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Friends United Meeting |
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June 1997
A Story of Addiction
By Joseph B. Kelly
On a cold and wet November evening this past fall a car drove up to the door of a Pentecostal-oriented drug and alcohol treatment program in a smaller city. A man and woman emerged from the vehicle and entered the facility.
Both individuals looked as if they had been hit by a truck in the not too distant past. The man had a broken nose, black eyes, and a shuffling gate characteristic of one much older. The woman was dressed suggestively and had the frightened vacant eyes of one who knows the end is approaching.
The couple had been picked up by a passing motorist as they stood swaying on the curb in the cold rain.Not knowing what else to do with them the motorist dropped them off at the treatment program.
I had met the young woman some years before at the hospital where I worked.
She had only a small chance of surviving an overdose of drugs, and had
been in and out of treatment programs for years with a chronic
history of both alcohol and drug addiction. Her background included sexual
and physical abuse and there were stories of being used by her alcoholic
mother to attract males when she was fourteen or fifteen.
She did reasonably well in treatment, a characteristic that I would see
repeated over the years. She was discharged to a longer term program in
another part of the state and kept in written contact with me during
that time. A short time later I met the male of this couple as he
had attended the family part of the treatment program for her. He had
a history of physical and sexual abuse as a child and was raised by an
alcoholic father whom he could never seem to satisfy.
This man had an extreme history of alcohol and drug abuse that destroyed
a marriage and resulted in two children being placed in foster care. Prior
to the children being placed in foster care the man had left his youngest
child
in a dope house as collateral for a dope deal.
This couple continued to correspond while the woman was in long-term treatment and upon her release they linked up and became a couple. Over the next years the couple became active in the local recovering community and began to participate in worship services held at the treatment center.
They became the central couple in a group that met weekly at their home to discuss spiritual issues. This group later became the core of a worship group that began a new meeting in the city focused toward street people and those who were alienated from their religious origins. The woman became pregnant and they were married by me among great celebration.
The man had obtained custody of his youngest child by the former relationship
and a troubled child was added to the family. The baby was born on a summer
night, and I was part of the birthing team amidst praise and
wonder at the miracles of God. The couple attended yearly meeting with
my wife and me. They met many wonderful people, but, overall, experienced
Quakers as rigid and narrow minded. We had become good friends.
Over time it became clear the couple was relapsing to drug use from time to time. They would become distant and alienated during these times and find excuses for not participating. The woman would become manipulative and full of attention-seeking games. They would want to borrow money, and when it was refused they would disappear for a time.
All during this time the woman had continuous complaints of a medical nature which would require medications prescribed by co-operative doctors. Those of us who loved the couple hurt for them inside and prayed to God for assistance. Various times members of the meeting went to great difficulty to assist with housing and support. Some did it in a healthy way and others did not. No words seemed to help and nothing anybody did made any difference.
Eventually I received phone calls from neighbors reporting the children being abandoned while the couple practiced drug-seeking behavior. I notified state authorities and the children were removed from the home. The couple attempted to manipulate the meeting to assist them in getting their children back, and the meeting struggled but in the end refused for the sake of the children.
The couple then manipulated housing with another very vulnerable member of the meeting and proceeded to self destruct and drag this woman and her family with them. Eventually they were removed from this home, and they returned to the street life of prostitution and drug dealing. The destruction was almost total and in the end the Pentecostal treatment program was the only place that would accept them.
Shortly after they arrived I began receiving letters praising a wondrous spiritual awakening and transformation. New names were adopted and new language filled their communication. A new day has dawned.
Or has it? I hope that all of what I am hearing from them is real. Of course, only time will tell. Addiction (alcoholism is a form of addiction) is a terrible and chronic disease. Successful recovery demands total abstinence supported by significant life change. It is one thing to do well in a highly structured environment with a new language. It is another thing to carry this change into a full life.
It is a wonderful thing to go to the altar, quite another to remain aware of the altar in your heart throughout your everyday life. Giving oneself to Jesus is a miraculous experience, living free as a child of the King is a process of learning. There are a lot of pitfalls on the way.
Addiction is a patient and cunning adversary and is willing to wait for any mistake. Constant alertness and determination in cooperation with the Holy Spirit are necessary for meaningful recovery. Ministry to those who are addicted is a ministry of sowing. Reaping will be done, but it will usually be done by others down the line in the process. This is not a feel good story, but it is an honest story of ministry among addicts.
Joseph B. Kelly is pastor of Friends of the Light, Indiana Yearly Meeting, Traverse City, Michigan.
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