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Friends United Meeting |
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Quaker Life
March 2003
Hindsight
By Joel Clark
The old saying is that hindsight is better than foresight. Hindsight shows me how God has protected and cared for my family and me, even when I was not keeping God first in my life.
As a teenager I had a good friend, Paul, who arranged a job interview for me with the owner of the largest grocery store in town. I got the job the next day. The funny part of the story is that I was not aware I was being interviewed. God had blessed me with a friend who had my best interest in mind. Paul arranged it so I talked to a stranger naturally, not like a made-up script. Similar to when Jesus said, "I tell you the truth, whatever you did for one of the least of these brothers of mine, you did for me." (Matthew 25:40 NIV)
While working at the store as a sack boy, it always seemed important to check which cashier went on break with you. About a year after I started, I found my breaks fell at the same time as the new cashier, Shirley, who just started the previous day. When it was time for our break, Shirley did not close her line. When I asked her why she was not going on break, she stated she did not know when her break was. I helped her close her line, and showed her how to read the schedule. Shirley asked where she could get a cup of coffee, so we went to the donut shop across the parking lot.
As I got to know Shirley, I became very impressed with her strength and determination. She had just finished getting a divorce, which freed her from a marriage that at times had become violent against her. With four children, and a fifth one on the way, she took a job to support her family. We soon became best friends.
The first time I baby-sat for her children, Kevin, the youngest, was sick and she needed someone to watch the others while she took him to the hospital emergency room. Soon I started taking the two oldest boys to the stock car races and became very close to them. It was not uncommon for me to watch them while Shirley went on a date. After all, she was nine years older than me, and we were just friends.
Graduation from high school was not the joyous time it should have been. During my senior year one of the boys who should have graduated with us stepped on a land mine in Vietnam and was killed. He had enlisted between our junior and senior year, doing what he felt was right for his country. It was sobering for the friends he left at home. Those of us that could not afford to go to college rightfully became fearful as the draft lottery came closer—the only lottery I ever won in my life. The solution? A fast trip to the Air Force recruiter.
The first time I ever felt Shirley had more feelings for me than just as a friend was when I said goodbye. I was being sent overseas; she cried. I knew I was infatuated with her, but I was not sure it was love. Only after coming home I realized she was everything I wanted in a wife. I asked her to marry me on Christmas Day, 1973.
This is one of those times that hindsight shows me God was looking after me. I had been active in a church during my teen years, but not while I was in the service. Instead of asking God for guidance, I had followed the directions from my country, and spent time loading bombs to be dropped on "the enemy." I had also failed to ask God's guidance when I asked Shirley to marry me.
Shirley, however, went straight to a Christian friend, Cecil. The two of them prayed and talked, and only after getting an approval from God and Cecil, did Shirley call me and say yes. Waiting for that answer made for three of the longest days of my life. Since we knew each other so well, we saw no reason for a long engagement; we had a small, church wedding on January 11, 1974.
We settled into a rather normal life. We were all active in a local church, since Shirley and I both felt it was necessary to raise the children in a Christian atmosphere. All went well for about ten years—then our youngest, Kevin, was diagnosed with bone cancer. The next two years were constant trips back and forth for radiation treatments, chemotherapy, blood transfusions and frequent tests. While there were many prayers going up, we did not have an active church life during this period. In hindsight, God still took care of us and our son went into total remission. Kevin still has some health concerns, but none are life-threatening.
Things went back to normal for a while, then Shirley started being bothered by migraine headaches. A CAT scan showed an unknown mass in her brain. Further tests done by a neurosurgeon showed she had a mass of misshapen blood vessels that had nothing to do with her headaches. The mass could burst, but she had been born with it and all had gone well for 48 years, so we just prayed. Surgery could have prevented any danger of it bursting, but there was a 50/50 chance of damaging her brain in some way.
One evening a year later, after going to bed, Shirley got up saying she felt funny. Hearing her getting sick to her stomach, I went to check on her. She pulled off her robe saying she was hot. Her last statement before going into a coma was, "It hurts, it hurts." Knowing about the problem in her brain, the first test I requested was a CAT scan that showed the blood vessels had burst and filled about a quarter of her brain with blood. A helicopter was on the way to take her to Lutheran Hospital in Fort Wayne, Indiana even before I was told the results.
In hindsight, the doctors said if I had not provided that information, she might have died before they figured out what was wrong with her. Shirley never would have survived the night if I had not gotten out of bed when I heard her get sick. There is no other answer than the hand of God watching over us. I am a sound sleeper and under normal circumstances would never have gotten up.
The first step on the road to recovery was to allow the swelling in the brain to go down. Shirley also would have to have surgery to clamp off the damaged blood vessels in her brain. The doctors warned us that Shirley probably would never walk or talk again.
Two-and-a-half weeks later, after the swelling had gone down, Shirley went in for surgery. She woke up hours before they thought she would, and pulled out all the feeding and breathing tubes. They were wrong about her not being able to talk—she woke up mad, and vocal with the nurses. Giving Shirley a male nurse to assist her in going to the bathroom got her out of bed and walking to the restroom alone. But it soon became evident things were not back to normal. It really sank in about a week later when she said she had a question that had been bothering her all day, "Is your name Joel?"
My life soon centered on caring for Shirley. She would never be able to drive again. It took about two years before she could follow a recipe from a cookbook, even though she could make some things from memory. Everything had to be written down, and I soon learned I had to help make the grocery list; needed items were listed by their brand name, not the product name. There were small gains for two years, and then things stabilized.
During this period of adjustment, most of Shirley's friends dropped out of touch with her. They did not understand her. At church she had trouble following the service, and had little comprehension. Single words had meaning, instead of concepts, and so we stopped attending. We allowed the lack of support from people to be an excuse to not attend church. But God never stopped supporting us, and he led us to a new church.
Back Creek Friends in Fairmount, Indiana is our new church family. No one there has ever cared what Shirley did not understand. They have made a great effort to include her in every activity in some capacity. Shirley's name is last on the prayer chain, so she only has a responsibility to pray, not pass on a message. She bakes something for nearly every church event. Her part in the Christmas play had no lines. While I was in Richmond, Indiana, for a conference, four different families made sure she had something to do every day, and that she attended church on Sunday.
I myself have been challenged to have a stronger, personal relationship with God, and have been asked to do some things I never thought I would do—like writing this article. But I have had so much proof in my life that God watches over my family and myself that I have no fear of what may happen next.
Joel Clark is a member of Back Creek Friends, Indiana, and occasionally preaches there.
Copyright (c) 2003 Friends United Meeting
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