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Friends United Meeting |
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January/February 2001
Journal -Writing as a Spiritual Discipline
By Lynn Peery Mills
In an effort to clean out her attic, my mother gave me a box of "stuff" with my name on it. For some reason, my usual curiosity did not kick in as soon as I got the box, so it was a few years before I looked to see what "treasures" it held, what kinds of things I had thought in the distant past were important enough to save but not carry around with me through numerous moves.
One of the things I expected to find in the box was all the letters I'd written to Mom from Ramallah where I had been a teacher from 1979 to 1981. What I did not expect to find were my old journals written during my growing-up years. What a treat to find them and what a treat it will be to find the time to read them again!
I really don't remember when I started keeping a journal; the earliest ones I have are from junior high school, the best place I found to pour out the pain and confusion I experienced during those years. Despite lots of gaps, some many years long, the journals provide a look down the path my life has taken. And that is one purpose of keeping a journal.
An overriding reason to keep a journal is to help us become the people God created us to be. The Bible says we are made in the image of God and we are fearfully and wonderfully made. Somehow, though, most of us have forgotten that; life manages to train out of us the idea that we are created special. Here on Earth our lives are a journey, the goal of which is to become the wonderful people God created each of us to be, a journey to remember God created us "a little lower than the angels" (Psalm 8:5). Each of us has within us everything we need to live joyous, Spirit-filled lives; after all, God made us in His own image and put a bit of Himself within each of us.
Listening to that still, small Voice, we put into perspective our life's experiences and attain the joy that comes from loving ourselves and knowing ourselves to be loved by the Divine Lover. Sarah Ban Breathnach, in Simple Abundance: A Daybook of Comfort and Joy, says, "It's a mistake to accept as our reality the illusion that many are called to fulfillment but few are chosen. What Spirit has done for other women, can be done for you--when you're ready. The truth is, we are all chosen; most of us just forget to RSVP." Journaling can be our way of RSVPing to God's invitation to wholeness.
Writing is an essential part of my spiritual pilgrimage; by writing about a particular experience I find what I'm really thinking and feeling and what God is trying to say to me through it all. I am frequently surprised by the words appearing on the paper or computer screen in front of me and by the ring of truth that resonates deeply within me as I re-read what I have written.
In her book Writing as a Way of Healing: How Telling Our Stories Transforms Our Lives, Louise DeSalvo suggests journal-keepers write about the events in their lives, how they felt about them when they happened, and how they feel about them at the time they are writing about them. She says writing about difficulties "enables us to discover the wholeness of things, the connectedness of human experience. We understand that our greatest shocks do not separate us from humankind. Instead, through expressing ourselves, we establish our connection with others and with the world." (p. 43)
Oftentimes, when I take the opportunity to write about an extremely painful experience, I find it was not as devastating when I looked at it as I'd thought when I was trying to ignore it or that, though it was painful, going through the experience was an important step in my becoming whole. Writing about it allows me to lay to rest my pain and allows God's healing hand to close the wound. A part of the healing experience is the realization that I am not more deeply wounded than other people, that we are all wounded in various ways, and that when I'm ready to relinquish my wounds, God is ready and willing to heal my pain. Writing, for me, is a vehicle for letting go of pain and letting God heal it.
So how does one go about writing in a journal? Are there specific techniques that are beneficial or does one simply write down whatever is on one's mind? Both, actually. Simply write down the events of the day; you will find at some later date that it is interesting to look back over this record and be reminded of what was happening in your life.
Writing can be somewhat daunting, however; it is easy to feel intimidated by the empty page or computer screen. A good technique to get started is timed writing. Choose a topic, such as a keepsake or an object in your house or yard, set a timer for five minutes, and write without stopping until the timer rings. Christina Baldwin, in her book Life's Companion: Journal Writing as a Spiritual Quest, states, "The frustration of stopping creates the impetus to write more. You become more interested in the ideas and thoughts you want to put down and less self-conscious about the time it's taking to write." (p. 23) If you feel stuck and don't know where to start, begin by writing about how it feels to be stuck.
Another technique when you are working through an important event and feel you cannot go any further is to write a conversation with yourself. Write questions about the event with your dominant hand and write the answers with your non-dominant hand. Writing with your non-dominant hand accesses the part of your brain which stores your emotional memories and helps you get around that stuck place.
Another technique I've found to be especially helpful in working through issues involving other people is to write letters that will never be sent. One of the times this technique has been most useful was in working through my feelings of anger and loss over my father's death. He died a protracted death between my 18th and 21st years and for many years I was angry with him for dying when I was so young. Since I knew I could not send the letters to him, I felt free to vent my rage on paper. As a result, I can now feel sad I never had the chance to be friends with him in the way Mom and I are friends, but I'm no longer angry with him for dying. In order to bring this experience to resolution, I also had to write letters to God expressing my anger for "taking" my Dad when I needed him; God is more than capable of handling our anger. I have also found this technique to be useful when dealing with living people with whom I have difficulties. Again, though, it's important to remember that the letters you write in this type of exercise are not to be sent.
One excuse I often use for not writing in my journal is I don't have time. I seem to think I need an hour or more in order to make the effort worthwhile. This is not true. Even 15 to 20 minutes per day can be helpful. The important thing about journal writing is to do it regularly. I find the more I write, the more I want to write. You probably will, too.
Life is a journey toward the wholeness for which God created us and a journal is a record of your pathway toward that wholeness. I hope you will find journal writing as useful a tool for growth as I have.
Lynn Peery Mills, a librarian and writer, lives in Indianapolis, Indiana. A member of West Newton Friends Meeting (Western Yearly Meeting), she plays the piano and serves on Ministry & Counsel. She is also Editor of The Advocate, the publication of the United Society of Friends Women International. Lynn, and her husband Steve, farm nearly 1300 acres with assistance from their son Jeremy and nephew Brent Haag. Their daughter, Melissa, is a student at Ball State University in Muncie, Indiana.
Copyright (c) 2001 Friends United Meeting
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